Do you want to call and ask?

On the magic of... just talking about it

I have this unfortunate habit.

I will stew. Not the good kind of stew.

Whether it’s a career problem, a script problem, a people problem, I can often be found trudging around the house muttering to myself, trying (but failing) to solve it in my mind. This can go on for days before someone, usually my wife, has to say… “Can’t you just call [someone] and ask about this?”

And the answer is, yes, of course I can. And… why hadn’t I even thought to do that???

Being hyper independent can be a helpful tool. Especially for writers, artists, proponents of DIY filmmaking. And it makes sense. I spend a lot of time, as a career, noodling on script and story problems until somehow, someway, something in the back of my mind manages to solve them. So it only makes sense that as a writer you could train yourself to think that all problems can be solved this way — slowly, internally, by simply grinding the gears in your mind long enough.

I regret to inform you (and me) that, after many years of trying to do this I have discovered… Not all problems can be solved like this.

If you are a well adapted individual — my wife, my manager, my therapist (it takes a village) — you’ve probably been patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for this part of the story. The silently solving on your own thing… doesn’t always work.

Sometimes you really do just need to pick up the phone and call a friend.

Take the lifeline, folks

You can tell yourself… “well probably nobody can really solve this one for me. I probably need to solve it myself.” But here’s the thing… it’s not REALLY about the other person actually solving the problem, whether it’s a writing problem or a career problem. I mean, sometimes you’ll Phone a Friend and they will literally have just dealt with the same thing. But hearing any version of an answer, or even a non-answer, just the THINKING IT THROUGH OUT LOUD WITH SOMEONE ELSE… it just hits different.

This may be common sense for some of you!

But I have a feeling that there’s a disproportionate amount of this screenwriting/filmmaking audience who are Hyper Independent Gear Grinders.

Hearing how someone else would approach the problem, would think about the problem, even just how someone else commiserates with you about the problem you are facing… often is enough to get you unstuck.

It gives you something to agree with, disagree with, or simply bounce off of entirely, and… that kind of thing is actually super helpful for figuring things out.

Even if only to have someone who is / has been very much “in the shit” with you.

And then sometimes people literally just need to be called and asked explicitly to do something for you, or to stop doing something that they have been doing. Which can also be hard to do. But we’ll save that for another day.

The people most valuable to ask? People who are just slightly ahead of you. There’s a lot of talk in entertainment / arts careers of “mentorship” and “networking” and it is easy to confuse that for trying to meet people who can do something for you. When, in fact, in my experience, the best “mentors” I’ve found are the people who are essentially my peers. With all due respect to the Old Guard of Hollywood, if you broke in before 2016… you were living in another universe. Hell, having broken in pre-pandemic I feel like I entered a totally different Hollywood than exists today for newcomers.

Proximity to the same kind of problem is really what you’re looking for in these calls. People who’ve seen it, been through it, and know what they’re/you’re talking about.

This is also why peer relationships in this industry matter more than most people give them credit for. Not networking in the gross “work the room” sense. Just… knowing people who are currently working at your level, who are facing the same decisions, who you can call and say “here’s the situation, what would you do.” I’ve been the person receiving the call many times, and I always want to help. People like to help! It’s nice to help!

Which is partly why I’ve been noodling over (by myself, sorry, bad habit) bringing back a feature of this newsletter that’s laid dormant for a bit, the Hollyweird Hang, in July. This will be a live, online Q&A on Wednesday July 2nd (12PM PT / 3PM ET) where you can bring exactly the kinds of questions I’m talking about here. Whatever you’ve been stewing over alone. I can’t promise I’ll have the answers, but I can be honest about what I know, what I don’t know, and what I’d do if I were you. Sometimes that’s all you need.

More details and a link to RSVP will be in next week’s issue of the newsletter, but I just wanted to plant the little seed for this now.

In the meantime, whatever you’re currently walking around the house muttering about… is there someone you could just call and ask?

There probably is.