How to Not Go Crazy in Hollywood
Tips & tricks to avoid letting this business drive you insane
Hello and happy (?) 2025. I know I’ve already sent out a beginning of the year email, but… this week, the first in a post Palisades and Eaton Fire Los Angeles, feels like the true beginning of the year.
And what a year it has been! 2025 has already been an extremely bumpy ride (“Lemon, it’s January”) and as we TRY to pick ourselves up and get back to work, it would seem now more than we are in for a really crazy-making few years.
It’s a shame because the entertainment business is a totally normal and not at all insane place to work (it’s the tagline of this very newsletter)!
With all of this in mind, and because I’m personally starting the year in a limbo of waiting for notes, waiting for actors to pass (or say yes, they might say yes, right?!), waiting for people to read, and trying to finance/cast a movie… I thought it would be nice to share some tips and tricks on HOW TO NOT GO CRAZY.
So here they are. And if you know anyone in show business who’s currently losing their mind, let them know a) they are not alone, and b) this list might help?!
Do something else!
I’m not saying quit Hollywood! But I am saying… when you’re stuck waiting for people… don’t just be waiting. There is nothing more frustrating and patience-trying than the Hollywood game of trying to get people to read or notice something of yours. Whether it’s a busy director, a busy producer, a busy actor, or your busy friend… it takes everyone time. I get it! It takes me time to get back to people too! We are all juggling one (more like five) too many things in order to try to carve out a sustainable career, and as a result, everybody takes a really long time to get back to you. It’s maddening! Rather than feel like a tiger pacing the cage, one thing you can do is… stay busy. Start the next project (if you’re feeling motivated) or, if you’re not feeling motivated, don’t! For example, today I played Civilization VI on my iPhone for [amount of time redacted out of embarrassment]. A great way to not go crazy waiting is try to not be waiting!
Do not compare yourself to anyone, ever
Don’t beat yourself up for being behind so-and-so! Don’t look up how young they were when they first made that incredible thing! We all have different paths, different parents, different access to capital and social capital. Things were different back then, they really were! Your success at 45 is by no means something to be compared to someone’s at 24. Things happen when they happen and we simply cannot control it! Do not get caught up playing the game of comparing yourself. It’ll never feel good! Trust me!
Focus not on the gatekeepers but on ways to bypass the gate entirely
It can be extremely maddening to feel like no matter what you do you can not get through to the person / place you want to reach. Hollywood has a reputation for being a very exclusive club, and when you’re just starting out, it can feel like you’re banging your head against the wall trying to get anyone who can help you to just notice you’re there. The fantasy being that after the gatekeeper notices you would welcome you with open arms, flinging open the castle gates to… The Biz!
Well… guess what? The Biz is less like one big castle with a moat around it, and more like a series of interconnected gated communities. Yes, you might have been let into Low Budget Indie Comedy Ville, but that does not in fact entitle you entry to Big Budget Drama City. That’s a whole different gate. The gates never seem to end, and because everyone here is busy (see above) it is actually imperative that so many gatekeepers do exist, or else we’d all go insane, inundated by people on our front steps trying to get our attention.
Rather than obsess about the gatekeepers, or feel like you’re banging your head against said gate, try to go a different way. If you’re trying to get a big important person to read something of yours… the best way to do it often isn’t to get their security guards to read it, it’s to get a friend of a friend to get it to them. Do you need to find an actor? Who are the people you know who might know them?
To resume our somewhat (okay, very) stretched gated community metaphor: maybe you know the gardener and he has a key? Another resident who might know the person you’re actually trying to get to? Maybe you and some friends are going to need to build your own community, and you can share the keys to the city with one another… When you can’t go through the gate, go around!
Celebrate the wins (all of them)
There’s something about how long everything takes in show business, and how tentative everything is, that makes it extremely hard to know when to celebrate good news. You don’t want to jinx it, and you don’t want to celebrate too early, because what if someone’s tentative yes later becomes no? Or the deal you were offered on the call suddenly falls apart? Or the actor who wanted to do it actually has changed their mind? Then won’t you feel like an absolute fool for having celebrated a thing which later became not a thing?! Well… sure, that’s one way of looking at it. OR; I would propose: try to celebrate each and every little win as soon as it comes, even knowing it may later vanish. The big conclusive permanent wins are few and far between. If you’re waiting to celebrate getting a movie made until the movie comes out… that’s years of waiting you’re going to do. Instead, you could celebrate the good meeting you had with the execs, then the good meeting with the director, then the good meeting with the star, and then the first financing offer, and then the second financing offer when the first one falls through… See where I’m going with this?
Give yourself ALL THE WINS. This is a really tough one, but if you can manage to do it, and to mean it, you will not be driven crazy by Hollywood, I promise. Every success actually requires hundreds of small successes along the way, and why deprive yourself the chance to commemorate them all?
Even better, find a way to celebrate someone else’s small wins along the way! The more the merrier!
Say “no”
Man… there is nothing more powerful than saying no! If you don’t think an idea is good, you can be polite about it, but you can and should say no! Obviously, we all need to eat, and the ratio of how willing to say “yes” you are changes over time, but it is very, very important to learn to figure out your own boundaries, and the best way to protect them is… you guessed it: Say “no.”
Remember: tolerating disappointment is part of the job
The true mark of a good artist is the ability to fail, and then, despite that, try something new. The only people who make it in Hollywood (and I would argue any creative field) are the people who have gotten good at shaking things off. Learning to pick yourself up and get back in the race is one of THE KEY determinants to whether you’re going to survive a life in the arts. You can take your time, you can lick your wounds, but you do after every failure have to try to do it again. That’s life.
Have fun!!
Okay I realize I sound like I’m writing inspirational posters for 6th grade art class. But… being in the arts is about CREATING SOMETHING FROM NOTHING. If you aren’t able to consistently have a lot of fun doing it… you may be in the wrong career! I’m serious!
There is no greater reward (money is close, yes, but it is not greater) than working with other people to make something special. A life in Hollywood can be full of extreme stress, extreme anxiety, and extreme highs and lows. If you can remember a way to just… enjoy yourself… you’re going to be just fine. Trust me.
Ok Hollyweirdos. Hope the pep talk is helpful for you! It was helpful for me!
Any other sage wisdom on not going insane?? I’d love to hear it in the comments! Seriously! I could use it!
Hollyweird Helps
I would love if you all would help me out in supporting the people who’ve lost everything in the Los Angeles Area fires.
Each week this year I’m going to select a new GoFundMe campaign that is still in need of reaching its goal, and highlight it here. If each of you were able to give even a few dollars, we could make a really substantial difference in helping these families, not just as this tragedy unfolds, but throughout the rest of what will surely be a very difficult time for many months to come.
Support 90 yr grandparents after Eaton Fire home loss
Here is the link to support them.
If you send me your proof of donations, I will match them!
(If literally all of you donate, I may have to come up with a new system where I don’t match your donations every week, but hey, I’d love to have to do that!)
Thank you everyone!
Love you Los Angeles.